LLCoolBray

2020 has been a solid reminder, every single day, that life doesn’t go according to our plans. In fact, so I’ve heard, plans are some of God’s favorite jokes. But this post isn't about jokes. It's not about COVID, nor is it your typical "end of year" post about all of the things we have to be thankful for this year. Nope. This post is about lady parts and disease. Proceed at your own risk. Last December, I had surgery to explore and confirm endometriosis in my lower abdomen, which resulted in the removal of a fallopian tube (see previous posts here and here ).  After the surgery, my doctor explained the state of my internal organs with the highly-descriptive “it’s a mess in there.” She was taken aback at the level of endometriosis she found, and she gave me the most incredible validation. She told me that, based on her surgical findings, she couldn’t believe I had lived with this disease for so long without seeking help. I’ve been in medication-induced menopause for t...

Considering the last surgery I had was a c-section in 2013, fraught with complications, I probably could have anticipated that this would be an easier recovery (see also: I only remember the bad things). Laparoscopy alone makes a huge difference, and I am definitely feeling the benefits of smaller incisions vs. one large cut! Overall, everything went well. Surgery lasted longer than expected and I have a few extra needle holes that weren’t there when I went in, but I was assured that those were minor complications. Since part of the procedure was exploratory, we knew it had the potential of running long or short, depending on what the doctor found. (Also, considering the last surgery in which I had general anesthesia was in 2005, I was delighted to wake up and not feel extreme rage and uncontrollable crying. Hooray for advances in modern medicine and an attentive anesthesiologist! Clint was also happy about this, too, since I had been warning him for weeks and told him he cou...

Warning: this post contains words like ovaries, uterus, and fallopian tubes. Proceed at your own risk. At the end of a year that has had more crap chaos plot twists than most, I am trying hard to focus on blessings, rather than complaints. I have spent most of this year knee-deep shoulder-deep up to my ears in therapy, processing my health and trying to accept that the vision I had for my life is not what is actually playing out, and that is okay; as well as processing trauma that was never healed and has reared its ugly head as I’ve been dealing with my various health issues this year. January 2019 started off with a bang: my usually-low blood pressure decided it needed a life change and climbed to crisis levels, and landed me in the hospital more than once. For someone who likes to be in control of my surroundings, it was one of the scariest and most helpless situations of my life. When it was determined that my anxiety medication was the culprit, I was forced to abandon ...

For the past few years, my hair experiments have gone down many different paths. It's no secret that I LOVE to change up my hair, and for the past few years, I have tried many different cuts, styles, and colors. It's been long-ish, pixie, faux-hawk, black, brown, blonde, and every shade or hue in between. I've even made deals with my students to try different hairstyles! So, this year, I decided to take it back to my roots...literally. When I'm not straightening, dyeing, or cutting my hair, it's pretty curly at its most natural state. Over the past year, I discovered the "curly girl method," which I take with a grain of salt and add my own touches 😉 Basically, the method replaces traditional shampoo and conditioner with products that are sulfate and silicone free, and, as any curly-haired female knows, you don't need to wash your hair very often. At present, I wash my hair with shampoo every 10 days to 2 weeks, and I co-wash (using a cleansing condi...

It's been five days, and I have received countless, sweet messages and texts, so I suppose it is time for an update on my health: #1. I feel fine. My body is giving me very few signals that something is wrong, which is both awesome and not awesome. I would probably do better with laying around if I actually felt sick! #2. We haven't found the right dose of medication to control my blood pressure, yet. It is still sporadically spiking to extremely high numbers, but not coming down below (or really anywhere near) 140/80.    #3. I returned to work yesterday, feeling confident that my BP would be okay (not perfect, but okay). I was so happy to get back to my kiddos, and spent the morning discussing my health and the science around it with them. It was calm and lovely.  #4. Apparently, a lovely morning was too much for my body, because when I had the nurse's aide check my BP at lunch, it was back up to crisis range. I scared the heck out of my colleagues (sorry,...

My dearest family and friends: Yesterday, I went to the emergency room for a hypertension crisis. As a relatively healthy 34 year old female who has had low blood pressure her entire life, it was quite alarming to see numbers near 180/115 on three separate blood pressure monitors. Apparently, this saga began sometime between December 2017 and August 2018. In December 2017, I went to the doctor and had my usual, perfect blood pressure of 110/65.  At a different doctor's office in August 2018, my high blood pressure was noted, but attributed to nerves. The same thing happened in October, and again last week. Last week, I was told that I should begin checking my blood pressure occasionally to make sure this is something that only happens when I am at the doctor. Imagine my surprise when, yesterday morning, I checked my blood pressure on a whim at Rite Aid and saw those huge numbers flash on the screen. The colorful wheel of blood pressure zones was actually maxed out with my resul...

One night, 20 years ago-maybe more, maybe less, I wished upon a star. My wish was made in the midst of angst and anxiety and constant, debilitating worry. It was made with the deepest desperation of my soul, but I never told anyone. I felt every bit of Mary Hatch with her desperate, window-shattering wish. I wish, someday, I will have the life I dream about. Driving home tonight, with my child sound asleep in the back seat, I realized that my wish from so many years ago DID come true. It came true today; over the course of a regular day, fraught with the frantic bustle and chaos of approaching holidays...   This morning, I woke up in a home warmed by the heat of a wood stove. This home, my home, complete with stairs and a wraparound porch, was the envy of my eye for many years, and sometimes it's still hard to believe it is ours . I stood at the sink and watched the sky lightening over the top of Goosenest and Willow Creek, the same skyline I enjoyed as ...