LLCoolBray

My love for the movie UP has transcended my love of all other Disney Pixar movies. Since its release in 2009, it has remained one of my favorite films. But, like all good movies, it hits differently at each stage of life. In 2009, I was newly engaged, head-over-heels in love, and the thought of living without my "Carl" was heartbreaking. The love between Carl & Ellie in the first ten minutes of the movie still lives deep in my bones. The Carl & Ellie love is real in our house. Fast forward a few years to 2013-2014 when I was a new mom to a baby boy. My lens for the movie was entirely different; my focus moving from the love story between Carl & Ellie (yeah, yeah, beautiful and whatever, I'm too tired for that) to Russell, the little boy longing for a father figure. The thought of my son experiencing that level of pain destroyed me. The love story had shifted, just as my life had shifted. The next time I watched the movie, I found myself focused on Ellie, the a...

  There is nothing more frustrating than setbacks. Let me tell you, going backward in recovery is not fun when you are an impatient, antsy person who hates disappointment (I am lacking in some virtues). I was finally feeling good; no soreness, no need for OTC painkillers, etc. I was even able to go for walks and do some light stretching! But now? Now I am back on the couch with no activity for a week.  A few days ago, out of the blue, I started bleeding heavily and experiencing a lot of pain that pain relievers weren’t helping. I haven’t had much bleeding since my surgery, so that was a bit alarming. I’d also been pain-free for about a week, too, so I knew something was going on. I called the on-call physician in Medford (note: not my actual doctor) who assured me it was probably normal post-hysterectomy bleeding because I was only 5 weeks post-op and clearly not hemorrhaging, despite my claims that I hadn’t bled this much the day after surgery and I was in a lot of pain. I di...

I am three weeks post-op today and, while I am feeling a little better every day, things are moving much slower than I imagined. I am leaps and bounds beyond where I was a few weeks ago, but I still spend most of my time on the couch with a heating pad and the smallest activities lay me out for hours. I’m slowly learning my limits and accepting that this is going to be a very tedious recovery.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t actually spend ALL of my time on the couch; that wouldn’t be healthy. I am up and moving, taking short walks, going upstairs and downstairs in our house, etc. But by the end of the day, I’m sore and tired and usually laid out again on the couch with my trusty heating pad. The majority of my day is spent resting in an attempt to find a comfortable position. When I’m feeling down about this recovery and my inability to do pretty much everything, I remind myself that this is a necessary investment in my health. Despite all of these inconveniences, my post-surgical pa...

Today I found out I don’t have cancer.    I cannot begin to explain the relief that I felt when I received my pathology report this afternoon. There were a whole lot of other terrible things happening inside my body but, thankfully, cancer was not one of them. I cried (obviously) (a lot), and felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest. I felt like I could finally breathe after holding my breath for so long. My family hasn’t had much good news in the past 6 weeks. Truth be told, we’re a bit of a mess on the medical front. Today, for the first time in a long time, we received a little bit of good news.    With all the breathing again and the relief-crying, I went out onto the porch for some fresh air. I have never felt better in my life and I wanted a picture to remind myself how that moment felt. When I see this picture, I’m going to remember the snow underfoot. I’m going to remember the chill in the air and the warmth from the sun. I’m going to remember th...